Friday, 4 July 2014

A Blarthgarrr's Best Friend

All Edwin remembered was pulling his car into a services off of the M6 at Salford, a bright light, and then finding himself inside a large cage.

It was Monntarq's hatchday and his progenitor took him to the showroom to get his first ever pet.
After looking at the more docile creatures - the cuddlefish, the octopig and the howling terror puppy - Monntarq became enamoured with the blokes. There were five of them all in the cage, but one inparticular ran immediately up to Monntarq waving its appendages in a delightful display of affection. Monntarq ticked its hairy chin through the mesh and turned to his progenitor.
"I want this one!" he insisted.
"Now Monntarq," came the considered reply, "it's a big responsibility looking after a bloke. Wouldn't you prefer a horstritch instead? Or what about a nice cute ginchilla?"
"No," he inflated his vocal sac in a strop, "I want this one!"
HIs progenitor looked carefully into Monntarq's glistening eye, nodded and conceded.
"Ok, but you've got to be extra good at looking after it."
Monntarq jiggled up and down with excitement, they called over a clerk who hoisted the bloke out of the cage and took it over to the counter for the sale.

When they got back to their dwelling, Monntarq was very eager to play with his new pet. His progenitor carried the portable case from the conveyance into the dwelling, closed the door to the main room, and carefully lifted the access panel.
Nervously, tentatively, the bloke stepped forwards, a sort of worried look on its little face.
"Come on," Monntarq cooed, "don't be shy."
Pressing its bare foot onto the ground, wiggling its toes, the bloke got a comfortable footing, let its hands leave the safety of the case and stepped, naked and alone, into the middle of the room.
Monntarq giggled excitedly, "It's so adorable! Look at it."
With joy Monntarq rushed forward and the bloke let out a yelp and retreated back into the case.
"Easy Monntarq, slowly," his progenitor said with a calm, soothing tone, mainly for the benefit of the trembling bloke.
Monntarq reached into a carrier bag from the showroom, removed a hard crispy orb and held it out, waving it towards the bloke.
"Here you are, it's yummy, come and have a bite."
Again the bloke made cautious progress, checking both Monntarq and his progenitor before leaving the case and stepping towards this out-stretched snack.
Uncertain of what exactly was being offered, the bloke sniffed at the maroon dusty shape, and then pressed its tongue against the side, licking it a little. Smacking its lips to contemplate the flavour, the bloke then took the orb from its owner and proceeded to noisly, and messily, crunch at the biscuit until it was all gone.

They decided to name it Flopsy, and Monntarq was good to his word. He took Flopsy out for a walk twice a day, though Flopsy did require some discipline at first. He fed Flopsy himself and washed him when necessary.
They took Flopsy to the vet to get neutered and chipped, and a lifelong friendship was formed.
Flopsy went everywhere with Monntarq and lived to the age of 8. After that Monntarq got an octopig.

Edwin had found himself placed in a cage with four other men, all naked, shivering and screaming in terror. Two were Chinese, one was Mexican and the other was from Wales, so it was only the latter than Edwin could understand.
"Where are we?"
"I don't know, but there are monsters out there... Monsters!" the Welsh man stammered, his eyes wide with fear.
"How long have you been here?"
"Not sure, it seems like a few days, but look..." The Welsh man held up a wrinkled, veiny hand. "I'm only twenty six, I don't know what's happening to me!?"
Suddenly the other three men all cowered into  a corner, the Welsh Man - looking over Edwin's shoulder - did likewise.
Edwin turned and saw a huge cycloptic creature looming towards their cage, it's one yellow eye staring intently.
Desperately, confused, Edwin rushed forward waving his arms; "Please, you must help me! I don't know what you want from me, from us, but I have nothing. I'm just a bank clerk."
In a booming voice it began howling gibberish and nonsense.
Edwin smiled earnestly, hoping it had understood and then a humongous wriggling tendril pushed through the wire and slapped him across the chin rapidly, leaving gloop and slime matted into his beard.
Another beast, this one twice the size, towering taller than a skyscraper, began bellowing at the first creature. Finally the small monster let out a piercing wail which seemed to bring about a conclusion to the discussion, and over Edwin's head a trap door was opened.